Grow your Inner Coach, part 2
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”
– Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
A story that builds on the basic concepts from Sunday’s post, “Grow your Inner Coach”…..
When I was small girl, sailing off Cape Cod with my family, my Dad was wonderful about giving my sisters and I ample opportunities to stretch our capabilities. At the helm, as I was learning to steer by a compass reading (I wasn’t tall enough yet to see over the cabin anyway!) my dad asked me if I was on course. I said, yes, every time I passed it!
In truth, I was steering all over the place, zigzagging back and forth, but I kept my eye on that point on the compass, and slowly, over time, with a relaxed hand on the tiller, I learned to narrow the range- instead of swinging through 60 points on the compass, I was swinging through 30… soon it was only 20… and then it was 10… and I was mostly on course.
My Dad was an excellent teacher. He did not berate me or become irritated when I was way off course. Instead, he gently brought my attention back to ‘on course.’ I was able to stay relaxed, and in full learning mode. I could stay curious and fully observant as I discovered cause and effect. Early on, this was basic: when I push the tiller this way, what happens to the boat? How does the compass move? Then as I mastered the basics, it became more sophisticated: how much pressure does it take to stay on course through a pushy wave or an extra gust of wind??
In many ways, my Dad was teaching me how to be my own compassionate observer. It was abundantly clear to me that he believed in me, that he expected me to succeed, and that he would give me the space to help me generate that success myself. He did not highlight my mistakes, but would instead nudge my awareness back to productive focus, and always calmly celebrated my successes.
Contrast this with a more reactive, or judgmental presence. Had he yelled, “Kim, you are way off course!” my body would have tensed. I would have lost the “feel” of the tiller (the sensitive touch through which I could feel the power of wind and wave on sail and hull translate into subtle course changes.) Most likely, my natural beginner’s learning curve of overcorrecting would have been intensified. And I would have been miserable, missing the joy of learning – and of sailing.
Notice the tone your inner coach takes. Notice the directions your inner coach has you look. Notice the effect on your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
When you notice your inner coach is ‘off course’ in tone or content, nudge that inner voice back into gently noticing, observing, and focusing on where you want to go.
Soon you will be sailing right on course too!
