After my last post, ‘Coming Home’, I’ve been chewing on this question.

What can give us that deep sense of belonging, that sweet sense that we are connected to something far greater than ourselves?

I know why it matters, the way in which a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and connection helps us sustain and deepen our leadership journeys.

What clues can I glean, from 10 days of wilderness solitude, that might helps others access connection every day?

August 6, 2009. Day 2.  Mid-morning finds me wending my way northward up a thin ribbon of river.   20 miles from the nearest road head, I am solo-paddling my way deep into Canada’s Quetico wilderness, a river and lake-filled land of lichen-laced  cliffs, graceful pines, spruce spires, eagles and loons.

Rounding a bend thick with water lilies, I cross paths with a group of 6 male paddlers as they lift their boats down over a three-foot beaver dam.    They look trail-rounded – that healthy way in which, well experienced, wilderness immersion softens the angular lines of a person, gentles the eyes, quiets the soul.

With the last boat comes the patriarch of the group.

He looks at me with some consternation…. not knowing what to make of me in my solo boat.  He tenses.  Finally he blurts out, “what are you doing out here all by yourself?”

At another point in my life, I might have been offended… This time though, I simply smile, and ask, “what you are doing out here with so much company????”

My obvious ease appears to reassure him.  So does my able ascent of the dam.   He relaxes, turns his attention, and travels on.

And I, in that moment, hearing my own honest answer, I know why I am out solo. Within hours, instead of days, I am “in”. I am fully alive.  My senses, immersed. My mind, quiet.   My emotions, smooth. 

With no paddling partner to synchronize strokes and chat with, my listening was to loons in the distance, the call of nesting eagles, the rustling of birch leaves. Touch was the breeze on my face, and my wooden paddle in my hands.

Until that interchange at the beaver dam, I was so “in the flow,” so immersed in direct experience of life, I was not even conscious of how deeply I had shifted.

I was Home.

I was a sensory being, soaking in all the magnificence in which I was immersed. I was. literally, in awe.

Here’s the kicker though.  You don’t have to travel far from home and hike or paddle deep into the wilderness to access this.

Try this….  Take a few-minute nature break.  Let connection happen.

For just a few moments, sever your human cords… i-phones, laptops, conversations, everything.

Put your body outside, and breathe. (I know its winter now… we had a key saying at Outward Bound that proved endlessly true: “there is no inclement weather, only inadequate clothing”, so if you need to bundle up, please do!)

For a moment, just breathe.  Now feel your feet under you.

One at a time, tune into your senses.

What do you hear?   What do you smell?  What can you feel on your skin?

As I do, in this moment, stopping mid-paragraph to step onto my back patio, I hear the last drips of last night’s rain, feel velvet-moist air on my cheeks, see rain droplets bejeweled on last summer’s crabapples, watch mist caressing hills across the lake.

(Yes, I’ve chosen gorgeous country to live in… but even in the city… nature makes her way… where can you find her??)

Now notice your body. I notice my body slowing down.  My keyboard quickness is replaced with a slower rhythm.  My breath drops.  My mind becomes still, as I simply take in the blue green of rocky mountain juniper, the burgundy of native kinnikinnick.

Find a place in your body that is softening, even just a little bit, relaxing, expanding towards the world around you.   This morning, I find it in my cheeks – that velvety air – and my chest – watching grace unfold in the movement of mist over mountains.

Now expand this feeling.  Let it deepen, let is travel through you.  Let yourself be fluid. (We mostly are!)

What do you notice about the way your “radar”  – what you are aware of – has changed? When we listen deeply outside, we cannot be racing at the same time.  Taking in what is out there, appreciating, savoring, immediately shifts who and what I am.

Let this feeling, this opening, settle deep within.

You can take it with you. Softer ribs, a more open heart, a more relaxed jaw, an easier smile, a calmer mind ….all of these are accessible.

You can do this every day.  No matter where you are. Direct connection comes through our senses and is accessible anytime, anywhere.

In our daily lives, we can fall into a grand illusion of control.  It goes something like this:  “If I just think fast enough, plan carefully enough, work hard enough, I will be able to dictate the flow of my life. “

When I lapse into this high control mode… and in my life, I’ve sometimes done that for years, not just minutes or hours… a part of me dies.

“…we die on the day when our lives cease to be illuminated by the steady radiance , renewed daily, of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all reason.” Dag Hammarskjold , Diaries

When I am muscling for control, I miss being open to wonder.  I miss being open at all..and one day without nature connection… is one day too many… of being less than fully alive.

Yes, create and plant the seeds of your own dream, your own heroic journey…. and notice:

What does your soul hunger for, right now?

Thanks for reading.  If you like what you’ve found, feel free to pass this link on.  If you’d like to comment, I’d love to hear from you!  You can scroll to the bottom and click on “Leave a comment”  link, or email me directly, at Kim@InnerCompassLeadership.com

“When it’s over, I want to say I have been a bride married to amazement, I’ve been a bridegroom taking the world into my arms.” – Mary Oliver

Tonight, I stepped outside after my first yoga class in twenty years.  I had opened tight places I did not even know I had.  As I left the studio, I was relieved that I could still walk!

What really caught my attention though, as I stretched my limbs out the door into this far northern night: stars. A whole sky–full.

Our gorgeous north Idaho summers succumb to long winters of clouds. Our ski mountain loves the snow, but I miss that deeply expansive sight of night sky.

Maybe it was 90 minutes of intense yoga. (I’m in great shape. I looked at the class schedule and forgot my twenty years away…)
Maybe it was the two weeks that have passed since I last saw a sky full of stars. (Here in our remote county, when there are no clouds, we truly see stars. There are many more stars than people… or lights to block the night sky!)
Maybe it was too-long winter hibernation.

I don’t know what it was.

But I do know what happened as I stepped outside, seeing the Big Dipper, Orion, the Pleiades, and the other Winter constellations:
I did not feel like I was 120 +/- odd lbs, standing on a cold stab of north Idaho sidewalk.
Instead, I felt as wide as that sky.

I felt as if time stretched back to my earliest memories of stars…night sailing off Cape Cod, my family singing lullabies….

And my strongest memories… sleeping river-side, sleeping bags encrusted in silvery frost, under endless stars on the cactus-bound Mexican border …

or my favorite memories… tracing winter constellations among the green and pink swirls of northern nights, on the Canadian border, as sled dogs slept, nose under tail…

It was as if, in that moment, all those times, and all those places, existed, all at once.

If I had a label, it would be mystical.

In that moment, I felt the whole wide universe welcomed me. I felt completely Home. I felt, in every cell, as if I belonged.

I’m not complaining… and I will go back for more yoga!

What helps you know, in your bones, that you belong?

To lead is to choose to be fully present, and thus able to access the best perspective – and the best course of action - in any given situation.  To lead is to make the most of what is.

Through practice, we can learn to access a calm, non-reactive attention that allows us to access choice and right action over and over again.

This quality of awareness is core to optimizing reality and to leadership… of our lives, and anything else we endeavor to lead!

If, however, we react reflexively out of our habitual, ‘auto-pilot’ patterns, formed through experiences over time, we can’t lead … we can only follow.

Yet, we all have some default reaction that kicks in when certain life experiences trigger us. We get “hijacked” by the autopilot settings stored in our neural pathways.

Some call this conditioned tendency, or conditioned response. I call it default setting, or autopilot. Whatever label you use though, the concept is a thick one, so I’ll say it again: if I unconsciously react to a situation based on my past experience, vs. being fully present in the current moment and choosing my response, then I am following, not leading.

To lead is to be able to choose our perspective, and thus our action.

So… how do we, in the moment, access a different frame? How do we generate a different way of perceiving, a different way of being, a different way of doing whatever it is that we do, vs. habitually doing over and over again what we have always done, even when it does not get us what we want?

First, get curious. Learning what our default setting feels like/looks like/sounds like is a first step towards being able to make a different choice.

Here’s a window into my primary default; see if reading this helps you identify your own. Some of you can likely relate.  Or, if this is not your pattern, see if the contrast helps you notice your core default:

Whenever I hit a tough spot interpersonally, every cell in me whispers… “Be an island…. Life is safer that way…”   I will reveal only competence, the way in which I ‘have it all together’, and project a flavor of “I don’t need anything from anyone…”.

I learned that shape as a small child, mastering independence and competence –academic, athletic, and later professional – and thus created an island of ‘safety’ around me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a rich network of friends, colleagues, and clients. I belong to several great circles of support, many of which I have helped found or have led.

It’s just that I only let people in so far. That’s my autopilot: I only let people get so close.

What do I now choose to practice instead? Letting my humanity show, not just my competence. Accepting help and support, not just offering it to others. Relaxing into the gift of presence that others bring. Essentially, I am practicing a different choice: to fully welcome connection. So that’s my autopilot, and my new choice.

But to be able to explore new choices, it really helps to know what your autopilot settings are!  So let’s help you look at identifying your autopilot.

What are the ways you react over and over again, in similar patterns, even when it does not get you what you want?

Its time to get curious…. really, really curious! Go on a treasure hunt of awareness. Imagine having a video camera on your shoulder that watches you through your days… a compassionate, gentle watching, without blame of judgment…. that notices all that you think, all that you feel, all that you say and do. And notice: what are you drawn to? What do you move towards? What do you move away from? Where do you lose your temper, or your sense of humor?  Where does your body recoil, and tighten in closer to your spine?  What coaxes you open, into a more expanded state?

There are no good answers or bad answers…there is only the gathering of clues as you watch yourself.

Just be curious. Go hunting for your auto-pilot patterns….

So there’s your homework, if you choose to accept it.

Next post, we’ll explore how to shift… out of autopilot, and into choice.

When we can choose, then we can truly change. And when we can truly change, whole worlds open, that we never knew existed.

Happy hunting!

We know simply that nothing is static, nothing is absolutely predictable, and nothing is certain.

L. Robert Keck, Sacred Quest

Last night, I flunked fire duty.

On retreat with 8 other women in the pine-filled hills of eastern Washington, I was positioned for my favorite role; sleeping by the wood stove and stoking it periodically through the night.

I flunked. I slept right through. But it was worth it. This morning, small flakes of snow filling the pine expanse outside, I got to watch someone else lay and attempt to light the fire, and I knew, in that moment, that another “fire lighting as life” blog post would be born.

Here’s why.

Well-meaning but not used to lighting a fire without paper or other fire-starter, she laid all the kindling and wood in place, lit the match, and then…. hoped.

Luckily, she was open to help; using the spark of flame she had started, I patiently fed slivers of wood right into the openings of flame and air, until we had enough flame for her pre-laid wood to catch….

There was this poignant moment though, watching her newly lit flame, with nothing to burn, nothing to engage.

Many of us lay a fire as we build a life; we get all the pieces in place, all the plans and dreams all lined up, then we light the match, and expect the fire to feed itself…. The life, the dreams, the plans to bloom.

Yet, to what degree is life truly like that?

When our fire-building supplies are plentiful, when we are truly skillful and have mastery over our materials, we can build the fire this way… lay all the pieces in one place and trust the upwards flow to catch carefully placed materials into flame.

Think back five years, ten years, twenty. What delightful surprises exist in your life now that were not even on your radar back then?

When we live in the present moment, we can notice everything. We can appreciate all that is good, all the new possibilities that we can kindle into new fires. We can feed our dreams. Some lay dormant for years… waiting for the moment to ignite.

Today, wake up. Look around at your life.

What new possibility is waiting to be born???

“The most important thing to remember is this; to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.” 
—W.E.B. Dubois