Rumor has it that I’ve written a chapter that will be published this spring.   Even having written it, and lived through many back and forths with the great folks at my publisher, ISN, it still feels like rumor to me too!  So…  here’s an introduction.  Meet “Embodying Power and Grace”, which (rumor has it!) will be published in Success Simplified: Simple Solutions, Measurable Results, an anthology headlined by Stephen Covey.   I’m posting to remind myself that this really is on its way!

This book is interview format, so here goes!

Kim, in your experience, what’s the most essential component for success?

David,  I see this as the ability to embody both power and grace.  This opens the door to effective reflection and a new kind of action—one that creates access to clarity, ease, and increasingly impressive results, even amid great challenge and change.

To embody a quality, we practice often enough and well enough that we get really good at it. Then, in the heat of our experience, it’s who we are.

Increasing success brings heat – demands, conflicting priorities, much that needs to be attended to, seemingly all at once.  Grace provides a spacious sense of internal ease, even within that heat. This helps us stay present, keep current, and think clearly about what matters. We don’t waste any effort.  Power makes it possible to take a stand for what matters: all our effort is on-goal.  When we combine both, our actions are potent. We also become contagious with a positive spirit that coaxes those around us to magnify the potency of their contributions as well.

Here’s another angle for thinking about this.

Einstein said that if he had an hour to save the world, he’d spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem, and five minutes finding the solution. That’s a strong statement about the value of reflection.

Most of us, though, are far better at action—we feel comfortable being on task but vaguely uncomfortable with stepping back and reflecting. I’m going to side with Einstein, though—reflection gets us to choice. Choice gets us to right action, and this leads to results. Without these, we aren’t leading, we’re reacting! Our actions are driving, and we are in the back seat.

How do we shift gears? Start by being aware of this dynamic. Choose to lead. Get into the driver’s seat. Choose to be at the helm of your own experience. Commit to reflect, choose well, and follow through.

I call this self-leadership. In my experience, when we make this internal move—committing to leading through reflection, choice, and action—it cultivates vivid aliveness, mental clarity, and a fullness of spirit that makes the path toward success its own satisfying adventure.

Later, I’ll introduce eight foundational steps to self-leadership, but let’s start by exploring the skills of self-leadership that most of us have not learned. These skills include how to notice when we’ve been on auto-pilot, how to make a new and better choice without beating ourselves up, how to learn what the best choices are, how to work with others, versus against them or in isolation, and finally, a surprising but essential element underlying all this: how to relax.

Being able to step back enough to reflect, in the Einstein way, requires being able to slow down enough to think clearly and well. In his national best seller, David Allen is clear: “our productivity is directly proportional to our ability to relax.”  This is the both/and: the power of productivity and the spacious breath of grace.  This is the combination that leads to results that sing!

Edit:  This work on SQ can be freely shared.  I release this post to the public domain.  For the spirit in which I do this, see Leo Babuta’s post, http://zenhabits.net/open-source-blogging-feel-free-to-steal-my-content/ May you improve on it, and share it with the world.

My daughters’ gymnastics studio has a trivia question of the week posted on a big white board.  This week, the girls debated: where are the largest pyramids in the world?  Egypt?  Mexico? Peru?  While they decide which column to mark their answer in, I ask myself a different question: why this human fascination with pyramids, with this triangle shape that crosses cultures and millennium?

In my own work this year, through spring, summer, and early fall, I played with and presented to training groups a number of triangle models, likely my own fascination with the strength of the triangular shape, and the importance of strong foundations.  See what these open up for you:

Here is the first:

IQ

EQ EQ

SQ SQ SQ

Now, take this simple triangle, and imagine it as a pyramid, the strength of all 4 sides supporting each one.

A simple translation of human experience:

IQ, or intelligence quotient, is a small portion of our human experience, yet, like the small portion of an iceberg that rides above the waterline, it often garnishes the most attention.

EQ is the emotional intelligence quotient from the work popularized by Daniel Goleman.  We now know that emotional states have a significant influence on our access to our IQ; when stress triggers a reaction in the reptilian portion of our brains, our access to our highest levels of thought is diminished.  Therefore, that middle layer of the triangle is essential for the top layer of IQ to optimize its abilities.

SQ, the somatic quotient, is by far the most substantial layer of this triangle.  Soma is the Greek for the unity of body, mind, spirit, and emotion.  It is within the container of our physiology that this complexity of interface is working without ceasing, each influencing the other.     IQ is accessed through vital and healthy EQ, and optimal EQ is accessed through a potent SQ: the ability to be gently aware of and positively able to influence our thinking, feeling, and being.

To be at our best, begins in the body.  That stress response that has been attributed to emotion in EQ actually lives in our bodies – in our complete physiology.  To generate deep slow breathing shifts us out of stress response, creating a positive cascade throughout our experience. Without understanding how these four interface, we reduce our ability to access positive moods, reduce stress, access our highest thinking, and therefore live in our most brilliant place of spirit.

To be able to positively influence this interface requires the simple art of awareness and practice.  What is occurring within all of my sensations?  My thoughts? My field of emotion?  How do these collectively impact the spark of aliveness that marks the vitality of my spirit?

If we want to generate change in the larger world, our first building block is change within the individual.   Like moving an iceberg, (10% above water, 90% below), with only a small portion visible above the waterline, the place of greatest change is deep below the surface where the greatest mass lies.

Our physiology is trained through experience. To optimize SQ, which both contains and grants access to optimal EQ and IQ, we choose what to practice.  Notice what you have been practicing: whatever it is, this is what you are becoming.

Now choose: what do you want to become?  What is the larger world calling you to be?  Therefore, what do you need to practice?

I first learned this from Danaan Parry in the late 80s, at a Warriors of the Heart workshop. Well aligned with my core embodied leadership training from Strozzi Institute, I call it “step off the center line”, but Noah Rosenberg, a friend, colleague, and former ER doc from New York City, named it “don’t get the goo on you!”

In a nutshell, this practice helps us embody our internal commitment to stay centered (or settled) regardless of negative actions or communications by others. This then allows us to lead, make the most of any given situation through our cohesive presence, instead of reacting to the other person’s behavior.

Why does it matter? Thich Nhat Hanh, an extraordinary Buddhist monk and teacher from Vietnam, described this dynamic: during the era of the Vietnamese ‘boat people’ who attempted risky high seas crossings in search of safe refuge, one calm person in a boat could make all the difference in a successful outcome for the whole boat.

Calm helps us think clearly. Calm is contagious, as are other moods; anger can be contagious as well. “Don’t get the goo on you” is a practice to help you be able to choose your internal mood and maintain access to calm, regardless of the moods, or ‘the goo,’ of others. This ability is fundamental to being able to lead, vs. react.

By keeping our internal cohesion and choice intact, we are able stay more present to the other person, even while avoiding ‘catching the goo’, which then puts us in position to lead the interaction or situation to a better outcome.

To prepare:

1) Identify a place of ongoing interpersonal challenge in your life, one in which your own response may not meet your own expectations. Imagine the person, and what this person might say or do in interacting with you that contributes to the challenge.

2) If indoors, stand in an open area, with several feet of room to maneuver, squarely facing one wall. Imagine the person that you have chosen is facing you from that wall. Feel your feet on the floor beneath you, allowing your stance to widen slightly. Feel the solidness of your base, your feet, your legs, and your pelvis, then breathe deeply as you let your top half relax and settle into this foundation of support.

3) Imagine the person is walking towards you, with whatever words or behavior usually triggers a reaction in you. Breathe. Feel your solid base beneath you. Then place your right foot behind your left, so that you turn and face the wall that was on your right.

4) Notice what part of your body is now facing the first wall: just your left side. You no longer have your whole front exposed towards that incoming energy; instead you can let it go by, and witness the other person and his or her behavior.

This is the point of freedom. Instead of drawing a bulls-eye and taking the hit, or fighting back in some way, we can shift to observing the other person, staying settled within, and then choosing the best possible response to the situation.

Let’s meet in an urban hub, and accelerate your learning through embodied practices!

Why am I lifting off from my northern Rockies haven to do this? First, it’s really fun. This past year I’ve met clients that I’ve worked with for years, but only by phone. What a hoot to get to work in person!

Equally important though, shifting to more satisfying and effective patterns of thought and action, the ones we come to coaching to change, happens most quickly when we engage our whole self in learning. Without this, in the moment of need, the new behavior is just a concept, not a readily available skill.

Working in person, and engaging in movement practices together, we can more quickly and accurately get a read on where you are in your development, what your default settings are, and what you need going forward to get where you want to go.

Practicing the new behavior through movement in session together, (see “Don’t Get the Goo on You” for an example) you begin to ‘program’ the new possibility into your brain and your muscles.

Daily practices are then a significant tool for ‘programming’ our experience; in-person work gives us maximum insight and accuracy to help you design practices that can become the foundation for your desired future.

2010 included multiple trips to Boston, New York/New Jersey, and San Francisco. I expect to add Minneapolis/Chicago in 2011. DC and Atlanta/Birmingham are possible as well. Currently scheduled trips include: Boston on December 17-19, 2010 and again February 9-12, 2011. If you want to get on the schedule, let me know!