New Dawn, New Day

Last night, just before early bed, I read a friends caring bridge journal entry: making great strides on a recent-onset debilitating illness, she wrote of seeing what life she can build with what she can still do.  I was humbled; clearly her eye is on opportunity, not just on limitation.  She is facing, and embracing, the challenge of remaking her life.

This morning, waking in early light, lime green covers strewn about, an inner call stirred, demanding that I get up.  Not sure what or why, I sensed it was a moment to say yes.

Finding vertical, I was greeted by a golden ripple of cloud filling the eastern sky, bouncing dream light up off the awakening lake.  Sun radiated through the glowing mass of clouds and connected with rain clouds downstream, setting off rainbows lifting from the lake.

Snuggling in my host’s fleece jacket, wrapping a beach towel over my bare legs, I grabbed my camera and headed for the dock.

Standing there, surrounded by light, I listened. What else did the knowing that pulled me awake have to say?   “Do not be afraid.”

Writing now, wind lifts fresh curls off the waves as dawn flows into day, and the lightest shower eases in, giving moisture to this breath of air, this message feels like:  Learn to write with abandon once again.  This whole glorious cacophony of light and wonder is at your back.  Set yourself free.

What else could one long for, than this aliveness, this beauty, this now?

Yes to listening.  Yes to honoring that voice within that leads with precision, pulling from slumber of all kinds.  Yes to remaking our lives in this changing world, facing, and embracing, whatever challenges emerge along the way.

News Flash: Next Groups start November 7th!

Come strengthen your InnerCompass!

Learn to thrive. Learn to live with Power and Grace.  Instead of  running on auto-pilot, in a continuous cycle of depletion, step back, reflect, and re-connect with your own rich, authentic core, and your deepest values. Even amidst a swirl of demands, with the right support, we can each find “the Me within the We.”  Coming together in InnerCompass circles, we:

• focus on what we do want – instead of what we don’t!
• access delicious optimism, radiant vitality, and a revitalized connection with the natural world.
• cultivate unshakable confidence in inner guidance.
• name our most important promises to ourselves, and keep them.
• cultivate our unique contribution to the larger world while savoring being fully alive!

Ready to Engage Your Power and Grace?

I’m inviting and accepting women who’ve found that inner spark that says…

• I want to (re) kindle the joy of being fully and vitally alive!
• I want to work with my body as ally, and reconnect with the natural world. 
•  I want to  focus on what matters most and grow a compelling vision for my life and career.
• I’m ready for tools and a structure to help me clarify goals and identify inspired actions, and I want support and accountability to help me succeed.

• I want to go on the journey together, with other women ready to do the same.

Together, we:

• learn to work with the full range of who we are, body, mind, spirit, and emotion, to optimize our experiences;
• connect with true sources of inspiration and renewal, including the natural world;
• learn to balance strong external demands with an equally strong internal foundation,
• and actively shape our lives towards our dreams.

We ‘circle up’ by phone an hour each week for learning, laughter, practice, support, and accountability. With specific action steps to take between calls, we each can get on course and stay on course with what matters most.

This course fills so if you’re interested, please email me right away and we’ll set up a phone conversation to help determine if this is the right fit for you.

What’s so special about group coaching?

• Group coaching is actually a blend of teaching, skill building, access to new tools, and coaching. Each session builds on the last. Combined with group support & accountability, it is a potent combination for making powerful and lasting changes.
• Return on investment. This group offer is ¼ the cost of an equivalent amount of one on one work. Yet, group coaching can actually lead to greater breakthroughs!
• By meeting weekly, we keep momentum alive. Each month we’ll have 2 sessions of teaching and tools, 1 session of open coaching (you bring your agenda), and 1 session of structured coaching with coaching questions for each participant.
• Email connection with other group members and your coach between sessions, to celebrate successes, ask for ideas and share our learning.
• Peer support through mini-mastermind groups. You choose the level of engagement. (Many participants grow long-lasting, high-nutrition partnerships this way. I still meet frequently with a mastermind buddy from a group-coaching program I completed 2 years ago!)
• Fully engaged participants finish with real successes under their belts, a road map for success going forward, and extraordinary abilities to self-coach into the future.

Who’s better served one-on-one?

• If time and schedule flexibility are more valuable to you than dollars
• If you prefer the continuous laser focus on your agenda provided by one on one over the camaraderie of group support
• If you appreciate the simplicity of the one on one connection with your coach

 Reach out to me now, and we’ll see if this is the right structure for you. 

The fine print:

• The Fall 2011 InnerCompass circles will meet by phone or web for one hour each week.   Each group is limited to 8 participants. Start date November 7th.
• You get the follow up workbook materials via email after most sessions.
• If you miss a session, calls will be recorded and available within 24 hours.
• Tuition for this 24-session program is $1170… not a bad price for being able to positively and fundamentally shift the course of your life!
• Early bird, pay in full, and bring a friend discounts are each worth $100, making the course even more in reach at $870.

• Early Bird: Commit with your $100 deposit by October 1st and save $100

• Pay in Full: By October 15th, save another $100

• Bring a Friend: this is a fabulous way to strengthen your support both during and after the course. You each save $100!

My daughters’ gymnastics studio has a trivia question of the week posted on a big white board.  This week, the girls debated: where are the largest pyramids in the world?  Egypt?  Mexico? Peru?  While they decide which column to mark their answer in, I ask myself a different question: why this human fascination with pyramids, with this triangle shape that crosses cultures and millennium?

In my own work this year, through spring, summer, and early fall, I played with and presented to training groups a number of triangle models, likely my own fascination with the strength of the triangular shape, and the importance of strong foundations.  See what these open up for you:

Here is the first:

IQ

EQ EQ

SQ SQ SQ

Now, take this simple triangle, and imagine it as a pyramid, the strength of all 4 sides supporting each one.

A simple translation of human experience:

IQ, or intelligence quotient, is a small portion of our human experience, yet, like the small portion of an iceberg that rides above the waterline, it often garnishes the most attention.

EQ is the emotional intelligence quotient from the work popularized by Daniel Goleman.  We now know that emotional states have a significant influence on our access to our IQ; when stress triggers a reaction in the reptilian portion of our brains, our access to our highest levels of thought is diminished.  Therefore, that middle layer of the triangle is essential for the top layer of IQ to optimize its abilities.

SQ, the somatic quotient, is by far the most substantial layer of this triangle.  Soma is the Greek for the unity of body, mind, spirit, and emotion.  It is within the container of our physiology that this complexity of interface is working without ceasing, each influencing the other.     IQ is accessed through vital and healthy EQ, and optimal EQ is accessed through a potent SQ: the ability to be gently aware of and positively able to influence our thinking, feeling, and being.

To be at our best, begins in the body.  That stress response that has been attributed to emotion in EQ actually lives in our bodies – in our complete physiology.  To generate deep slow breathing shifts us out of stress response, creating a positive cascade throughout our experience. Without understanding how these four interface, we reduce our ability to access positive moods, reduce stress, access our highest thinking, and therefore live in our most brilliant place of spirit.

To be able to positively influence this interface requires the simple art of awareness and practice.  What is occurring within all of my sensations?  My thoughts? My field of emotion?  How do these collectively impact the spark of aliveness that marks the vitality of my spirit?

If we want to generate change in the larger world, our first building block is change within the individual.   Like moving an iceberg, (10% above water, 90% below), with only a small portion visible above the waterline, the place of greatest change is deep below the surface where the greatest mass lies.

Our physiology is trained through experience. To optimize SQ, which both contains and grants access to optimal EQ and IQ, we choose what to practice.  Notice what you have been practicing: whatever it is, this is what you are becoming.

Now choose: what do you want to become?  What is the larger world calling you to be?  Therefore, what do you need to practice?

In a nutshell, this practice helps us embody our internal commitment to stay centered (or settled) regardless of negative actions or communications by others. This then allows us to lead, make the most of any given situation through our cohesive presence, instead of reacting to the other person’s behavior.

Why does it matter? Thich Nhat Hanh, an extraordinary Buddhist monk and teacher from Vietnam, described this dynamic: during the era of the Vietnamese ‘boat people’ who attempted risky high seas crossings in search of safe refuge, one calm person in a boat could make all the difference in a successful outcome for the whole boat.

Calm helps us think clearly. Calm is contagious, as are other moods; anger can be contagious as well. “Don’t get the goo on you” is a practice to help you be able to choose your internal mood and maintain access to calm, regardless of the moods, or ‘the goo,’ of others. This ability is fundamental to being able to lead, vs. react.

By keeping our internal cohesion and choice intact, we are able stay more present to the other person, even while avoiding ‘catching the goo’, which then puts us in position to lead the interaction or situation to a better outcome.

To prepare:

1) Identify a place of ongoing interpersonal challenge in your life, one in which your own response may not meet your own expectations. Imagine the person, and what this person might say or do in interacting with you that contributes to the challenge.

2) If indoors, stand in an open area, with several feet of room to maneuver, squarely facing one wall. Imagine the person that you have chosen is facing you from that wall. Feel your feet on the floor beneath you, allowing your stance to widen slightly. Feel the solidness of your base, your feet, your legs, and your pelvis, then breathe deeply as you let your top half relax and settle into this foundation of support.

3) Imagine the person is walking towards you, with whatever words or behavior usually triggers a reaction in you. Breathe. Feel your solid base beneath you. Then place your right foot behind your left, so that you turn and face the wall that was on your right.

4) Notice what part of your body is now facing the first wall: just your left side. You no longer have your whole front exposed towards that incoming energy; instead you can let it go by, and witness the other person and his or her behavior.

This is the point of freedom. Instead of drawing a bulls-eye and taking the hit, or fighting back in some way, we can shift to observing the other person, staying settled within, and then choosing the best possible response to the situation.

What can give us that deep sense of belonging, that sweet sense that we are connected to something far greater than ourselves?

I know why it matters, the way in which a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and connection helps us sustain and deepen our leadership journeys.

What clues can I glean, from 10 days of wilderness solitude, that might helps others access connection every day?

August 6, 2009. Day 2.  Mid-morning finds me wending my way northward up a thin ribbon of river.   20 miles from the nearest road head, I am solo-paddling my way deep into Canada’s Quetico wilderness, a river and lake-filled land of lichen-laced  cliffs, graceful pines, spruce spires, eagles and loons.

Rounding a bend thick with water lilies, I cross paths with a group of 6 male paddlers as they lift their boats down over a three-foot beaver dam.    They look trail-rounded – that healthy way in which, well experienced, wilderness immersion softens the angular lines of a person, gentles the eyes, quiets the soul.

With the last boat comes the patriarch of the group.

He looks at me with some consternation…. not knowing what to make of me in my solo boat.  He tenses.  Finally he blurts out, “what are you doing out here all by yourself?”

At another point in my life, I might have been offended… This time though, I simply smile, and ask, “what you are doing out here with so much company????”

My obvious ease appears to reassure him.  So does my able ascent of the dam.   He relaxes, turns his attention, and travels on.

And I, in that moment, hearing my own honest answer, I know why I am out solo. Within hours, instead of days, I am “in”. I am fully alive.  My senses, immersed. My mind, quiet.   My emotions, smooth. 

With no paddling partner to synchronize strokes and chat with, my listening was to loons in the distance, the call of nesting eagles, the rustling of birch leaves. Touch was the breeze on my face, and my wooden paddle in my hands.

Until that interchange at the beaver dam, I was so “in the flow,” so immersed in direct experience of life, I was not even conscious of how deeply I had shifted.

I was Home.

I was a sensory being, soaking in all the magnificence in which I was immersed. I was. literally, in awe.

Here’s the kicker though.  You don’t have to travel far from home and hike or paddle deep into the wilderness to access this.

Try this….  Take a few-minute nature break.  Let connection happen.

For just a few moments, sever your human cords… i-phones, laptops, conversations, everything.

Put your body outside, and breathe. (I know its winter now… we had a key saying at Outward Bound that proved endlessly true: “there is no inclement weather, only inadequate clothing”, so if you need to bundle up, please do!)

For a moment, just breathe.  Now feel your feet under you.

One at a time, tune into your senses.

What do you hear?   What do you smell?  What can you feel on your skin?

As I do, in this moment, stopping mid-paragraph to step onto my back patio, I hear the last drips of last night’s rain, feel velvet-moist air on my cheeks, see rain droplets bejeweled on last summer’s crabapples, watch mist caressing hills across the lake.

(Yes, I’ve chosen gorgeous country to live in… but even in the city… nature makes her way… where can you find her??)

Now notice your body. I notice my body slowing down.  My keyboard quickness is replaced with a slower rhythm.  My breath drops.  My mind becomes still, as I simply take in the blue green of rocky mountain juniper, the burgundy of native kinnikinnick.

Find a place in your body that is softening, even just a little bit, relaxing, expanding towards the world around you.   This morning, I find it in my cheeks – that velvety air – and my chest – watching grace unfold in the movement of mist over mountains.

Now expand this feeling.  Let it deepen, let is travel through you.  Let yourself be fluid. (We mostly are!)

What do you notice about the way your “radar”  – what you are aware of – has changed? When we listen deeply outside, we cannot be racing at the same time.  Taking in what is out there, appreciating, savoring, immediately shifts who and what I am.

Let this feeling, this opening, settle deep within.

You can take it with you. Softer ribs, a more open heart, a more relaxed jaw, an easier smile, a calmer mind ….all of these are accessible.

You can do this every day.  No matter where you are. Direct connection comes through our senses and is accessible anytime, anywhere.

In our daily lives, we can fall into a grand illusion of control.  It goes something like this:  “If I just think fast enough, plan carefully enough, work hard enough, I will be able to dictate the flow of my life. “

When I lapse into this high control mode… and in my life, I’ve sometimes done that for years, not just minutes or hours… a part of me dies.

“…we die on the day when our lives cease to be illuminated by the steady radiance , renewed daily, of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all reason.” Dag Hammarskjold , Diaries

When I am muscling for control, I miss being open to wonder.  I miss being open at all..and one day without nature connection… is one day too many… of being less than fully alive.

Yes, create and plant the seeds of your own dream, your own heroic journey…. and notice:

What does your soul hunger for, right now?

Thanks for reading.  If you like what you’ve found, feel free to pass this link on.  If you’d like to comment, I’d love to hear from you!  You can scroll to the bottom and click on “Leave a comment”  link, or email me directly, at Kim@InnerCompassLeadership.com

We know simply that nothing is static, nothing is absolutely predictable, and nothing is certain.

L. Robert Keck, Sacred Quest

Last night, I flunked fire duty.

On retreat with 8 other women in the pine-filled hills of eastern Washington, I was positioned for my favorite role; sleeping by the wood stove and stoking it periodically through the night.

I flunked. I slept right through. But it was worth it. This morning, small flakes of snow filling the pine expanse outside, I got to watch someone else lay and attempt to light the fire, and I knew, in that moment, that another “fire lighting as life” blog post would be born.

Here’s why.

Well-meaning but not used to lighting a fire without paper or other fire-starter, she laid all the kindling and wood in place, lit the match, and then…. hoped.

Luckily, she was open to help; using the spark of flame she had started, I patiently fed slivers of wood right into the openings of flame and air, until we had enough flame for her pre-laid wood to catch….

There was this poignant moment though, watching her newly lit flame, with nothing to burn, nothing to engage.

Many of us lay a fire as we build a life; we get all the pieces in place, all the plans and dreams all lined up, then we light the match, and expect the fire to feed itself…. The life, the dreams, the plans to bloom.

Yet, to what degree is life truly like that?

When our fire-building supplies are plentiful, when we are truly skillful and have mastery over our materials, we can build the fire this way… lay all the pieces in one place and trust the upwards flow to catch carefully placed materials into flame.

Think back five years, ten years, twenty. What delightful surprises exist in your life now that were not even on your radar back then?

When we live in the present moment, we can notice everything. We can appreciate all that is good, all the new possibilities that we can kindle into new fires. We can feed our dreams. Some lay dormant for years… waiting for the moment to ignite.

Today, wake up. Look around at your life.

What new possibility is waiting to be born???

“The most important thing to remember is this; to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.” 
—W.E.B. Dubois

In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.”

Buddha

In my north Idaho January grey, with its subtle beauty and stunted daylight, flame becomes my lifeline to the sun. When I take the time, I build my woodstove fire as I aspire to live my life:

I mindfully choose slivers from wood I have split, with full attention, and just one match. I best align flame and fuel, and lovingly feed just the right wood into just the right opening to coax flame into fire.

No fire starter, no newspaper. This method takes presence, gentleness, and patience. With that first tiny tongue of flame, my full attention reveals to me where to place the next piece for maximum gain.

Stewarding the smallest flame into full bloom in this way connects me with the primal force of fire itself. It also connects me with hope. Through the power of attention and full presence, so very much is possible.

This morning, I lit my fire my preferred way. I feel more alive, and more grateful.

I wonder where else in my life, in my urge for speed, am I missing fuller, deeper satisfaction. What about you?

To live this way, this slower, deeper, richer way, I need to step back, explore my life, and choose: what will build the best fire in me? Where do my passions lie? What do I care about now? What does the world need? Just as flame and fuel come together to create a bigger fire, I have found the same is true for me; the better I can align my passions and gifts with my sense of what is needed in the world, the brighter I become.

As humans, we have this unique ability to vision something, to lay the foundations, and nurture our vision into reality. We have the ability to lead, learn, and grow.

A newly lit fire can easily be suffocated under too much fuel. Too often though, we suffocate our dreams under the weight of our past.

To help you re-kindle your own flame, consider:

What will help you step back, reflect, and listen to your own heart? What can you do to create an oasis of calm in which to connect deeply within yourself?

Who is the deepest part of you? “Who is the you that you have left behind in the midst of all your responsibilities?” Describe who that person is.

When have you been most deeply satisfied in your life? Felt most alive? Most powerful? Most Connected? Most creative? Most at peace?

What do these answers reveal about your deep nature?

When you live from your deep nature, what calls to you? What is “your world” that you are discovering?

“At your core, you know who you are,

and you know what you want.”

Lao Tzu

“You must do the things you think you cannot do…”

 Eleanor Roosevelt

 What is courage, if not the ability to act as our spirits lead?

I often hear struggle ensue when our inner knowing provides a clear path forward – but not an easy one.  We sometimes then wrestle mightily to honor that inner wisdom – our intuition or our body knowing – often for longer than we care to admit!    Yet, to not act on these knowings means we risk losing ourselves, and over time the costs become clear.

Thus, these moments come, as Denise Levertov describes below, where struggle gives way to courage, opening our hearts to own strength, and to faith in Spirit’s leading – even when this means swimming upstream of others’ expectations.  

In these moments, it is as if we are touched by a far greater force.  We find that we can do “the things (we) think (we)  cannot do.”

 Where is your inner wisdom leading you?

What is the “the thing you think you cannot do?’

Where is the place to put your attention that will help you live your courage?

Variation On A Theme By Rilke

(The Book of Hours, Book I, Poem 1, Stanza 1)

 A certain day became a presence to me;

there it was, confronting me — a sky, air, light:

a being. And before it started to descend

from the height of noon, it leaned over

and struck my shoulder as if with

the flat of a sword, granting me

honor and a task. The day’s blow

rang out, metallic — or it was I, a bell awakened,

and what I heard was my whole self

saying and singing what it knew: I can.

 ~ Denise Levertov ~

“Nobody ever said this would be easy, this process of evolving.“ 

The following poem by Rashini reminds me that I achieve wholeness by willingly traversing even the most challenging portions of the trail.  

This is a poem for those moments we all reach at some point, when we each need reminding that the “only way out is through.”   I find that both literally – hiking a steep trail, or portaging a canoe on a seemingly endless carry between lakes – and metaphorically  - through both work and personal travails – I find success in two ways: accepting what is, and keeping one eye toward where I am going.

On a long carry between lakes, often through dense forest cover, accepting what is means I don’t fight my canoe’s mass pressing down into my shoulders.  I move with vs. against my challenges.  I keep my breath relaxed and low, stay fully present with my own sensations and each attentively placed footfall amidst moss-covered rocks, across fallen timber, or skirting the edges of deep bog.  

At the same time, I keep my vision in mind: where am I heading, and why.   This thread helps steady me and keep my going through every challenge.   On a portage, this vision is ‘the first glorious glimpse of blue’ – that first sighting of water between trees that helps me know that I do have all I need, that I will succeed, that I will reach water once again.

 We all will.   With willingness, center, breath, and vision, we will all reach the water on the other side.

But Rashini says it better than I do…

There is brokenness

out of which comes the

unbroken,

a shatteredness out of

which blooms the unshatterable.

There is sorrow

beyond all grief which leads

to joy

and fragility

out of whose depths emerges

strength.

There is a hollow space

too vast for words

through which we pass

with each loss

out of whose darkness we

are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than

all sound

whose serrated edges cut

into the heart

as we break open

to the place inside which

is unbreakable

and whole

while learning to sing.

What helps you cultivate willingness?

What helps you center inside of challenge so that you can stop fighting ‘what is’?

What is your vision? 

What will help you stay in touch with your vision every day, no matter how challenging the trail?