“You are soooo good at the
many things you do.
So…. why aren’t you happy?”

News Flash: Next Groups start November 7th!

Come strengthen your InnerCompass!

Learn to thrive. Learn to live with Power and Grace.  Instead of  running on auto-pilot, in a continuous cycle of depletion, step back, reflect, and re-connect with your own rich, authentic core, and your deepest values. Even amidst a swirl of demands, with the right support, we can each find “the Me within the We.”  Coming together in InnerCompass circles, we:

• focus on what we do want – instead of what we don’t!
• access delicious optimism, radiant vitality, and a revitalized connection with the natural world.
• cultivate unshakable confidence in inner guidance.
• name our most important promises to ourselves, and keep them.
• cultivate our unique contribution to the larger world while savoring being fully alive!

Ready to Engage Your Power and Grace?

I’m inviting and accepting women who’ve found that inner spark that says…

• I want to (re) kindle the joy of being fully and vitally alive!
• I want to work with my body as ally, and reconnect with the natural world. 
•  I want to  focus on what matters most and grow a compelling vision for my life and career.
• I’m ready for tools and a structure to help me clarify goals and identify inspired actions, and I want support and accountability to help me succeed.

• I want to go on the journey together, with other women ready to do the same.

Together, we:

• learn to work with the full range of who we are, body, mind, spirit, and emotion, to optimize our experiences;
• connect with true sources of inspiration and renewal, including the natural world;
• learn to balance strong external demands with an equally strong internal foundation,
• and actively shape our lives towards our dreams.

We ‘circle up’ by phone an hour each week for learning, laughter, practice, support, and accountability. With specific action steps to take between calls, we each can get on course and stay on course with what matters most.

This course fills so if you’re interested, please email me right away and we’ll set up a phone conversation to help determine if this is the right fit for you.

What’s so special about group coaching?

• Group coaching is actually a blend of teaching, skill building, access to new tools, and coaching. Each session builds on the last. Combined with group support & accountability, it is a potent combination for making powerful and lasting changes.
• Return on investment. This group offer is ¼ the cost of an equivalent amount of one on one work. Yet, group coaching can actually lead to greater breakthroughs!
• By meeting weekly, we keep momentum alive. Each month we’ll have 2 sessions of teaching and tools, 1 session of open coaching (you bring your agenda), and 1 session of structured coaching with coaching questions for each participant.
• Email connection with other group members and your coach between sessions, to celebrate successes, ask for ideas and share our learning.
• Peer support through mini-mastermind groups. You choose the level of engagement. (Many participants grow long-lasting, high-nutrition partnerships this way. I still meet frequently with a mastermind buddy from a group-coaching program I completed 2 years ago!)
• Fully engaged participants finish with real successes under their belts, a road map for success going forward, and extraordinary abilities to self-coach into the future.

Who’s better served one-on-one?

• If time and schedule flexibility are more valuable to you than dollars
• If you prefer the continuous laser focus on your agenda provided by one on one over the camaraderie of group support
• If you appreciate the simplicity of the one on one connection with your coach

 Reach out to me now, and we’ll see if this is the right structure for you. 

The fine print:

• The Fall 2011 InnerCompass circles will meet by phone or web for one hour each week.   Each group is limited to 8 participants. Start date November 7th.
• You get the follow up workbook materials via email after most sessions.
• If you miss a session, calls will be recorded and available within 24 hours.
• Tuition for this 24-session program is $1170… not a bad price for being able to positively and fundamentally shift the course of your life!
• Early bird, pay in full, and bring a friend discounts are each worth $100, making the course even more in reach at $870.

• Early Bird: Commit with your $100 deposit by October 1st and save $100

• Pay in Full: By October 15th, save another $100

• Bring a Friend: this is a fabulous way to strengthen your support both during and after the course. You each save $100!

Edit:  This work on SQ can be freely shared.  I release this post to the public domain.  For the spirit in which I do this, see Leo Babuta’s post, http://zenhabits.net/open-source-blogging-feel-free-to-steal-my-content/ May you improve on it, and share it with the world.

My daughters’ gymnastics studio has a trivia question of the week posted on a big white board.  This week, the girls debated: where are the largest pyramids in the world?  Egypt?  Mexico? Peru?  While they decide which column to mark their answer in, I ask myself a different question: why this human fascination with pyramids, with this triangle shape that crosses cultures and millennium?

In my own work this year, through spring, summer, and early fall, I played with and presented to training groups a number of triangle models, likely my own fascination with the strength of the triangular shape, and the importance of strong foundations.  See what these open up for you:

Here is the first:

IQ

EQ EQ

SQ SQ SQ

Now, take this simple triangle, and imagine it as a pyramid, the strength of all 4 sides supporting each one.

A simple translation of human experience:

IQ, or intelligence quotient, is a small portion of our human experience, yet, like the small portion of an iceberg that rides above the waterline, it often garnishes the most attention.

EQ is the emotional intelligence quotient from the work popularized by Daniel Goleman.  We now know that emotional states have a significant influence on our access to our IQ; when stress triggers a reaction in the reptilian portion of our brains, our access to our highest levels of thought is diminished.  Therefore, that middle layer of the triangle is essential for the top layer of IQ to optimize its abilities.

SQ, the somatic quotient, is by far the most substantial layer of this triangle.  Soma is the Greek for the unity of body, mind, spirit, and emotion.  It is within the container of our physiology that this complexity of interface is working without ceasing, each influencing the other.     IQ is accessed through vital and healthy EQ, and optimal EQ is accessed through a potent SQ: the ability to be gently aware of and positively able to influence our thinking, feeling, and being.

To be at our best, begins in the body.  That stress response that has been attributed to emotion in EQ actually lives in our bodies – in our complete physiology.  To generate deep slow breathing shifts us out of stress response, creating a positive cascade throughout our experience. Without understanding how these four interface, we reduce our ability to access positive moods, reduce stress, access our highest thinking, and therefore live in our most brilliant place of spirit.

To be able to positively influence this interface requires the simple art of awareness and practice.  What is occurring within all of my sensations?  My thoughts? My field of emotion?  How do these collectively impact the spark of aliveness that marks the vitality of my spirit?

If we want to generate change in the larger world, our first building block is change within the individual.   Like moving an iceberg, (10% above water, 90% below), with only a small portion visible above the waterline, the place of greatest change is deep below the surface where the greatest mass lies.

Our physiology is trained through experience. To optimize SQ, which both contains and grants access to optimal EQ and IQ, we choose what to practice.  Notice what you have been practicing: whatever it is, this is what you are becoming.

Now choose: what do you want to become?  What is the larger world calling you to be?  Therefore, what do you need to practice?

To lead is to choose to be fully present, and thus able to access the best perspective – and the best course of action - in any given situation.  To lead is to make the most of what is.

Through practice, we can learn to access a calm, non-reactive attention that allows us to access choice and right action over and over again.

This quality of awareness is core to optimizing reality and to leadership… of our lives, and anything else we endeavor to lead!

If, however, we react reflexively out of our habitual, ‘auto-pilot’ patterns, formed through experiences over time, we can’t lead … we can only follow.

Yet, we all have some default reaction that kicks in when certain life experiences trigger us. We get “hijacked” by the autopilot settings stored in our neural pathways.

Some call this conditioned tendency, or conditioned response. I call it default setting, or autopilot. Whatever label you use though, the concept is a thick one, so I’ll say it again: if I unconsciously react to a situation based on my past experience, vs. being fully present in the current moment and choosing my response, then I am following, not leading.

To lead is to be able to choose our perspective, and thus our action.

So… how do we, in the moment, access a different frame? How do we generate a different way of perceiving, a different way of being, a different way of doing whatever it is that we do, vs. habitually doing over and over again what we have always done, even when it does not get us what we want?

First, get curious. Learning what our default setting feels like/looks like/sounds like is a first step towards being able to make a different choice.

Here’s a window into my primary default; see if reading this helps you identify your own. Some of you can likely relate.  Or, if this is not your pattern, see if the contrast helps you notice your core default:

Whenever I hit a tough spot interpersonally, every cell in me whispers… “Be an island…. Life is safer that way…”   I will reveal only competence, the way in which I ‘have it all together’, and project a flavor of “I don’t need anything from anyone…”.

I learned that shape as a small child, mastering independence and competence –academic, athletic, and later professional – and thus created an island of ‘safety’ around me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a rich network of friends, colleagues, and clients. I belong to several great circles of support, many of which I have helped found or have led.

It’s just that I only let people in so far. That’s my autopilot: I only let people get so close.

What do I now choose to practice instead? Letting my humanity show, not just my competence. Accepting help and support, not just offering it to others. Relaxing into the gift of presence that others bring. Essentially, I am practicing a different choice: to fully welcome connection. So that’s my autopilot, and my new choice.

But to be able to explore new choices, it really helps to know what your autopilot settings are!  So let’s help you look at identifying your autopilot.

What are the ways you react over and over again, in similar patterns, even when it does not get you what you want?

Its time to get curious…. really, really curious! Go on a treasure hunt of awareness. Imagine having a video camera on your shoulder that watches you through your days… a compassionate, gentle watching, without blame of judgment…. that notices all that you think, all that you feel, all that you say and do. And notice: what are you drawn to? What do you move towards? What do you move away from? Where do you lose your temper, or your sense of humor?  Where does your body recoil, and tighten in closer to your spine?  What coaxes you open, into a more expanded state?

There are no good answers or bad answers…there is only the gathering of clues as you watch yourself.

Just be curious. Go hunting for your auto-pilot patterns….

So there’s your homework, if you choose to accept it.

Next post, we’ll explore how to shift… out of autopilot, and into choice.

When we can choose, then we can truly change. And when we can truly change, whole worlds open, that we never knew existed.

Happy hunting!

In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?