In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?

Pause the action. Focus on your breath. Locate your center along length (your full height), width, (open through your sides), and depth (your front and back.) Placing one hand just below your navel can help. Drop your breath and your awareness, and let go of muscular holding and tension.

How many times you can regain center today?

Take just a moment to access your center, and notice the sensations that you feel. Now sink your attention even more deeply, and see what emerges. Let yourself linger in this awareness.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, that would be enough.”  —Meister Eckhart  

 Here is another gratitude practice.  This one is especially rich for cultivating aliveness.  Why does this matter?

The more change is unfolding ‘out there’ in the world, the more vital it is to cultivate a solid home base of vitality and aliveness in our own bodies.  Especially as leaders, this practice of internal cultivation can strengthen our resiliency and stamina such that we are able to stay proactive longer – truly in a leadership stance – through periods of pronounced change.

This practice is not about toughness though. It’s about comfort.  Read on.

Do you remember as a kid, ever taking a nap when you could hear family around? Perhaps you were snuggled and warm, and comforted by hearing familiar voices around you.  

As adults, we don’t often get that “nap on the couch” feeling.   Yet, every day, right where we are, we have the ability to open wide the doors of our hearts, and to cultivate that feeling,  when we remember “our place in the family of things.”  (Mary Oliver- see below!)  

Here is the practice:

On rising each morning, greet the great outdoors.  (Yes, actually go outside to do this…!)  Notice temperature, light, sounds, air movement, and the smell of morning.   What do you see?  What do you hear?   What of the natural world can you notice, connect with, and appreciate, on waking each day?

Regardless of weather, there is at least still one thread of beauty.  Open your eyes to that thread.  All of us, no matter our path or our challenges, have a home in the natural world. Sometimes we forget, and lose touch.  Some seasons, or locations, we may like better than others.

Yet, what can you surprise yourself by noticing today, right where you are?

Let your experience each morning, of noticing and appreciating, right where you are, help you both notice and focus on the good,

and open your heart to what is to come.

Wild Geese 

 You do not have to be good. 

You do not have to walk on your knees 

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 

You only have to let the soft animal of your body 

love what it loves. 

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 

Meanwhile the world goes on. 

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 

are moving across the landscapes, 

over the prairies and the deep trees, 

the mountains and the rivers. 

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 

are heading home again. 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 

the world offers itself to your imagination, 

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–

over and over announcing your place 

in the family of things.

Mary Oliver