Edit:  This work on SQ can be freely shared.  I release this post to the public domain.  For the spirit in which I do this, see Leo Babuta’s post, http://zenhabits.net/open-source-blogging-feel-free-to-steal-my-content/ May you improve on it, and share it with the world.

My daughters’ gymnastics studio has a trivia question of the week posted on a big white board.  This week, the girls debated: where are the largest pyramids in the world?  Egypt?  Mexico? Peru?  While they decide which column to mark their answer in, I ask myself a different question: why this human fascination with pyramids, with this triangle shape that crosses cultures and millennium?

In my own work this year, through spring, summer, and early fall, I played with and presented to training groups a number of triangle models, likely my own fascination with the strength of the triangular shape, and the importance of strong foundations.  See what these open up for you:

Here is the first:

IQ

EQ EQ

SQ SQ SQ

Now, take this simple triangle, and imagine it as a pyramid, the strength of all 4 sides supporting each one.

A simple translation of human experience:

IQ, or intelligence quotient, is a small portion of our human experience, yet, like the small portion of an iceberg that rides above the waterline, it often garnishes the most attention.

EQ is the emotional intelligence quotient from the work popularized by Daniel Goleman.  We now know that emotional states have a significant influence on our access to our IQ; when stress triggers a reaction in the reptilian portion of our brains, our access to our highest levels of thought is diminished.  Therefore, that middle layer of the triangle is essential for the top layer of IQ to optimize its abilities.

SQ, the somatic quotient, is by far the most substantial layer of this triangle.  Soma is the Greek for the unity of body, mind, spirit, and emotion.  It is within the container of our physiology that this complexity of interface is working without ceasing, each influencing the other.     IQ is accessed through vital and healthy EQ, and optimal EQ is accessed through a potent SQ: the ability to be gently aware of and positively able to influence our thinking, feeling, and being.

To be at our best, begins in the body.  That stress response that has been attributed to emotion in EQ actually lives in our bodies – in our complete physiology.  To generate deep slow breathing shifts us out of stress response, creating a positive cascade throughout our experience. Without understanding how these four interface, we reduce our ability to access positive moods, reduce stress, access our highest thinking, and therefore live in our most brilliant place of spirit.

To be able to positively influence this interface requires the simple art of awareness and practice.  What is occurring within all of my sensations?  My thoughts? My field of emotion?  How do these collectively impact the spark of aliveness that marks the vitality of my spirit?

If we want to generate change in the larger world, our first building block is change within the individual.   Like moving an iceberg, (10% above water, 90% below), with only a small portion visible above the waterline, the place of greatest change is deep below the surface where the greatest mass lies.

Our physiology is trained through experience. To optimize SQ, which both contains and grants access to optimal EQ and IQ, we choose what to practice.  Notice what you have been practicing: whatever it is, this is what you are becoming.

Now choose: what do you want to become?  What is the larger world calling you to be?  Therefore, what do you need to practice?

After my last post, ‘Coming Home’, I’ve been chewing on this question.

What can give us that deep sense of belonging, that sweet sense that we are connected to something far greater than ourselves?

I know why it matters, the way in which a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and connection helps us sustain and deepen our leadership journeys.

What clues can I glean, from 10 days of wilderness solitude, that might helps others access connection every day?

August 6, 2009. Day 2.  Mid-morning finds me wending my way northward up a thin ribbon of river.   20 miles from the nearest road head, I am solo-paddling my way deep into Canada’s Quetico wilderness, a river and lake-filled land of lichen-laced  cliffs, graceful pines, spruce spires, eagles and loons.

Rounding a bend thick with water lilies, I cross paths with a group of 6 male paddlers as they lift their boats down over a three-foot beaver dam.    They look trail-rounded – that healthy way in which, well experienced, wilderness immersion softens the angular lines of a person, gentles the eyes, quiets the soul.

With the last boat comes the patriarch of the group.

He looks at me with some consternation…. not knowing what to make of me in my solo boat.  He tenses.  Finally he blurts out, “what are you doing out here all by yourself?”

At another point in my life, I might have been offended… This time though, I simply smile, and ask, “what you are doing out here with so much company????”

My obvious ease appears to reassure him.  So does my able ascent of the dam.   He relaxes, turns his attention, and travels on.

And I, in that moment, hearing my own honest answer, I know why I am out solo. Within hours, instead of days, I am “in”. I am fully alive.  My senses, immersed. My mind, quiet.   My emotions, smooth. 

With no paddling partner to synchronize strokes and chat with, my listening was to loons in the distance, the call of nesting eagles, the rustling of birch leaves. Touch was the breeze on my face, and my wooden paddle in my hands.

Until that interchange at the beaver dam, I was so “in the flow,” so immersed in direct experience of life, I was not even conscious of how deeply I had shifted.

I was Home.

I was a sensory being, soaking in all the magnificence in which I was immersed. I was. literally, in awe.

Here’s the kicker though.  You don’t have to travel far from home and hike or paddle deep into the wilderness to access this.

Try this….  Take a few-minute nature break.  Let connection happen.

For just a few moments, sever your human cords… i-phones, laptops, conversations, everything.

Put your body outside, and breathe. (I know its winter now… we had a key saying at Outward Bound that proved endlessly true: “there is no inclement weather, only inadequate clothing”, so if you need to bundle up, please do!)

For a moment, just breathe.  Now feel your feet under you.

One at a time, tune into your senses.

What do you hear?   What do you smell?  What can you feel on your skin?

As I do, in this moment, stopping mid-paragraph to step onto my back patio, I hear the last drips of last night’s rain, feel velvet-moist air on my cheeks, see rain droplets bejeweled on last summer’s crabapples, watch mist caressing hills across the lake.

(Yes, I’ve chosen gorgeous country to live in… but even in the city… nature makes her way… where can you find her??)

Now notice your body. I notice my body slowing down.  My keyboard quickness is replaced with a slower rhythm.  My breath drops.  My mind becomes still, as I simply take in the blue green of rocky mountain juniper, the burgundy of native kinnikinnick.

Find a place in your body that is softening, even just a little bit, relaxing, expanding towards the world around you.   This morning, I find it in my cheeks – that velvety air – and my chest – watching grace unfold in the movement of mist over mountains.

Now expand this feeling.  Let it deepen, let is travel through you.  Let yourself be fluid. (We mostly are!)

What do you notice about the way your “radar”  – what you are aware of – has changed? When we listen deeply outside, we cannot be racing at the same time.  Taking in what is out there, appreciating, savoring, immediately shifts who and what I am.

Let this feeling, this opening, settle deep within.

You can take it with you. Softer ribs, a more open heart, a more relaxed jaw, an easier smile, a calmer mind ….all of these are accessible.

You can do this every day.  No matter where you are. Direct connection comes through our senses and is accessible anytime, anywhere.

In our daily lives, we can fall into a grand illusion of control.  It goes something like this:  “If I just think fast enough, plan carefully enough, work hard enough, I will be able to dictate the flow of my life. “

When I lapse into this high control mode… and in my life, I’ve sometimes done that for years, not just minutes or hours… a part of me dies.

“…we die on the day when our lives cease to be illuminated by the steady radiance , renewed daily, of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all reason.” Dag Hammarskjold , Diaries

When I am muscling for control, I miss being open to wonder.  I miss being open at all..and one day without nature connection… is one day too many… of being less than fully alive.

Yes, create and plant the seeds of your own dream, your own heroic journey…. and notice:

What does your soul hunger for, right now?

Thanks for reading.  If you like what you’ve found, feel free to pass this link on.  If you’d like to comment, I’d love to hear from you!  You can scroll to the bottom and click on “Leave a comment”  link, or email me directly, at Kim@InnerCompassLeadership.com

In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?

What helps you deeply let go in summer, so that you can recharge at the cellular level? Have you done this yet this year?

Top athletes know that the rest cycle in their training is as critical as their exertion cycle. Sometimes we forget that this applies to the rest of us too!

For those of us who are better at doing than resting, summer often has extra permission for slowing down. Don’t let the window pass!