In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?

“Nobody ever said this would be easy, this process of evolving.“ 

The following poem by Rashini reminds me that I achieve wholeness by willingly traversing even the most challenging portions of the trail.  

This is a poem for those moments we all reach at some point, when we each need reminding that the “only way out is through.”   I find that both literally – hiking a steep trail, or portaging a canoe on a seemingly endless carry between lakes – and metaphorically  - through both work and personal travails – I find success in two ways: accepting what is, and keeping one eye toward where I am going.

On a long carry between lakes, often through dense forest cover, accepting what is means I don’t fight my canoe’s mass pressing down into my shoulders.  I move with vs. against my challenges.  I keep my breath relaxed and low, stay fully present with my own sensations and each attentively placed footfall amidst moss-covered rocks, across fallen timber, or skirting the edges of deep bog.  

At the same time, I keep my vision in mind: where am I heading, and why.   This thread helps steady me and keep my going through every challenge.   On a portage, this vision is ‘the first glorious glimpse of blue’ – that first sighting of water between trees that helps me know that I do have all I need, that I will succeed, that I will reach water once again.

 We all will.   With willingness, center, breath, and vision, we will all reach the water on the other side.

But Rashini says it better than I do…

There is brokenness

out of which comes the

unbroken,

a shatteredness out of

which blooms the unshatterable.

There is sorrow

beyond all grief which leads

to joy

and fragility

out of whose depths emerges

strength.

There is a hollow space

too vast for words

through which we pass

with each loss

out of whose darkness we

are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than

all sound

whose serrated edges cut

into the heart

as we break open

to the place inside which

is unbreakable

and whole

while learning to sing.

What helps you cultivate willingness?

What helps you center inside of challenge so that you can stop fighting ‘what is’?

What is your vision? 

What will help you stay in touch with your vision every day, no matter how challenging the trail?