What helps us to be self-loving, self-gentle, and self-forgiving, so that we are able to offer the same to others from a deeply authentic place?

Years ago, one misty Minnesota morning, an older and wonderfully wise Outward Bound student, having completely missed the bar on his own expectations for himself on the ropes course the day before, greeted the rest of us with these words:

“Today is a new day.”

Simple words, yet inspiring to all of us.  Bob spoke gently and firmly, with bright eyes and open strength.

He was giving himself a fresh start, a chance to begin anew, better aligning his expectations for the future with the lessons of the past.  He was taking response-ability for doing and being his best, while also being gentle by leaving yesterday’s experience of failure  behind.

That chilly August dawn, these adult students were preparing themselves, both inwardly and outwardly, for the final challenge of the course: miles of paddling, portaging, and running that would eventually lead back to Homeplace, the base camp we were starting from.  They would begin paddling and portaging in teams, then would do the final running leg solo, each to the best of their ability.

My staff role that day was starter and finisher; to send them off with inspiration, and to help them celebrate their success when they crossed the finish line.

I smile as I type now, 20 years later, still remembering Bob’s radiant presence as he crossed the finish line, body weary, and spirit triumphant.  It was not that he was first, or even fast; it was that he had given his whole heart. He had run without the weight of “yesterday” on his shoulders; he had run freely, carrying only his hopes and aspirations for today.

Best of all, for the remainder of our time together, Bob was a bright light in our group; his self-love and self-forgiveness, and resulting self-triumph, radiated a warmth and love to the rest of our circle such that more was possible for all of us.

What of yesterday do you need to lay down in order to be fully free today?

Where in your life could you declare,  “Today is a new day”?

For me, today I begin immersion in 6 days of Nia white belt training.  My “new day” declaration is to let go from most all of my computer time and inflows so that I can fully immerse in my Nia practice, in “the body’s way,” in order to absorb all the learning and healing I can.  Like most of us, I spend too much time at the keyboard and not enough time being fully alive.  This is my way to let yesterday be in the past, so that today, and tomorrow, are free to unfold.

It is my way to be self-loving, self-gentle, and self-forgiving, so that I can offer the same to others from a deeply authentic place.

What is yours?

One might be surprised to connect this to leadership.  Consider this though: any place we hold a grudge, it is like a sea anchor, slowing us down, holding us back.  We forgive in order to free ourselves. 

Where are you holding anger or resentment against another? 

What benefit do you gain by maintaining that emotion?   What does it cost you?   If you turn slightly, away from blame and towards learning – your own learning – what can you discover that you learned from the underlying situation?  If you could look back 2 years from now, and honestly say, I am glad this situation unfolded because… what would you say?

 “Our greatest glory consists, 
not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

– Oliver Goldsmith          

Sometimes when we come through a rough patch in life, and feel that we are in some way responsible for the muck, we can lose precious time still stuck in that muck and lose the opportunity to fully dance with the life that is right in front of us. 

Here is a simple self-coach process we can each use to accelerate the self-love process of setting ourselves free, such that we can consistently stand up again, hearts open, and face fully into all of life.  Generate a list of answers for each set of questions in relation to the given situation:

What can I acknowledge myself for?  What did I do really well?  What am I proud of?  No matter our level of guilt or suffering, there is nearly always something here.  Sometimes, these are quite precious contributions, much appreciated by others.  So polish your own window, and immerse fully in remembering the gifts and richness that you have brought to others.

What do I need to take responsibility for? This wording is key.   Response – ability.  We have the ability to respond differently.  For each of us, we build our future out of our now.   So while this question may take us to the heart of our pain, it also has an essence of hope: it points to our ability to begin anew.

What is the hard truth about the situation?  Don’t answer this one until you’ve fully explored the two above this.  Just see where it takes you.  Sometimes this is where breakthrough lives.

What is the learning? What have I learned about myself, about others, about life?  What have I learned about what matters most? 

Finally, ask yourself this: What is the way to move now, the place to be in conscious choice, in order to best live my learning?  This is the moment we get to choose to live a new now, and to build the future we want to live, one now moment after another!

We do no favors for those we work with, live with, or love by staying stuck.  Those who truly love us want us to thrive, and want us to be able to dance fully with the joy in life, instead of moving however subtly away from what may remind us of our pain. 

We get to choose.  Leadership is about conscious choices and creating meaning.   Today is a new day.

“No man or woman (was created) even nearly perfect.  But we grow in both our virtue and our capacity to love by the testing, against the world and each other, of those weaknesses which by…grace…we can convert into strengths; and by the finding of those strengths and beauties in each other which we hardly dared suspect were there…. The glory of …(life) lies in the surprises which loving support, acceptance, and graceful forgiveness can bring forth.”

R.B. Crowell (Friends Journal, 11/74)