We know simply that nothing is static, nothing is absolutely predictable, and nothing is certain.

L. Robert Keck, Sacred Quest

Last night, I flunked fire duty.

On retreat with 8 other women in the pine-filled hills of eastern Washington, I was positioned for my favorite role; sleeping by the wood stove and stoking it periodically through the night.

I flunked. I slept right through. But it was worth it. This morning, small flakes of snow filling the pine expanse outside, I got to watch someone else lay and attempt to light the fire, and I knew, in that moment, that another “fire lighting as life” blog post would be born.

Here’s why.

Well-meaning but not used to lighting a fire without paper or other fire-starter, she laid all the kindling and wood in place, lit the match, and then…. hoped.

Luckily, she was open to help; using the spark of flame she had started, I patiently fed slivers of wood right into the openings of flame and air, until we had enough flame for her pre-laid wood to catch….

There was this poignant moment though, watching her newly lit flame, with nothing to burn, nothing to engage.

Many of us lay a fire as we build a life; we get all the pieces in place, all the plans and dreams all lined up, then we light the match, and expect the fire to feed itself…. The life, the dreams, the plans to bloom.

Yet, to what degree is life truly like that?

When our fire-building supplies are plentiful, when we are truly skillful and have mastery over our materials, we can build the fire this way… lay all the pieces in one place and trust the upwards flow to catch carefully placed materials into flame.

Think back five years, ten years, twenty. What delightful surprises exist in your life now that were not even on your radar back then?

When we live in the present moment, we can notice everything. We can appreciate all that is good, all the new possibilities that we can kindle into new fires. We can feed our dreams. Some lay dormant for years… waiting for the moment to ignite.

Today, wake up. Look around at your life.

What new possibility is waiting to be born???

“The most important thing to remember is this; to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.” 
—W.E.B. Dubois

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.”

Buddha

In my north Idaho January grey, with its subtle beauty and stunted daylight, flame becomes my lifeline to the sun. When I take the time, I build my woodstove fire as I aspire to live my life:

I mindfully choose slivers from wood I have split, with full attention, and just one match. I best align flame and fuel, and lovingly feed just the right wood into just the right opening to coax flame into fire.

No fire starter, no newspaper. This method takes presence, gentleness, and patience. With that first tiny tongue of flame, my full attention reveals to me where to place the next piece for maximum gain.

Stewarding the smallest flame into full bloom in this way connects me with the primal force of fire itself. It also connects me with hope. Through the power of attention and full presence, so very much is possible.

This morning, I lit my fire my preferred way. I feel more alive, and more grateful.

I wonder where else in my life, in my urge for speed, am I missing fuller, deeper satisfaction. What about you?

To live this way, this slower, deeper, richer way, I need to step back, explore my life, and choose: what will build the best fire in me? Where do my passions lie? What do I care about now? What does the world need? Just as flame and fuel come together to create a bigger fire, I have found the same is true for me; the better I can align my passions and gifts with my sense of what is needed in the world, the brighter I become.

As humans, we have this unique ability to vision something, to lay the foundations, and nurture our vision into reality. We have the ability to lead, learn, and grow.

A newly lit fire can easily be suffocated under too much fuel. Too often though, we suffocate our dreams under the weight of our past.

To help you re-kindle your own flame, consider:

What will help you step back, reflect, and listen to your own heart? What can you do to create an oasis of calm in which to connect deeply within yourself?

Who is the deepest part of you? “Who is the you that you have left behind in the midst of all your responsibilities?” Describe who that person is.

When have you been most deeply satisfied in your life? Felt most alive? Most powerful? Most Connected? Most creative? Most at peace?

What do these answers reveal about your deep nature?

When you live from your deep nature, what calls to you? What is “your world” that you are discovering?

“At your core, you know who you are,

and you know what you want.”

Lao Tzu

If you felt 100% in the driver’s seat of your own life and career, what would you do differently today?

Sometimes we forget the degree of choices we really have, and let our focus shift to those things we believe we cannot control. In these moments, shifting our focus to the choices we do have is a leadership move.

What choices have you overlooked?

As leaders, whether we know it or not, we are a bit like lighthouses, constantly sending navigation signals out into the night.   Therefore, as a leader, I am at my best when I am aware of, and choosing, the kind of signals I want to send.  Where do I need to pay attention in order to do this?

All of us have an essential choice.  To repeat a quote from my last post (for it is worth repeating!)

 “The single most important decision any of us ever have to make is 
whether or not to believe 
we live in a friendly universe.”   Albert Einstein 

Why is this so essential?    After all, we don’t typically go around asking this question of ourselves or of each other…. “Do you believe in a friendly universe?”    Yet, whether we are conscious of our choice here or not, it is likely influencing untold other choices that we are making.

If I believe the universe is essentially friendly, then I am able to look for the good in others, and to see opportunities, even in the midst of real challenge or significant unknowns.  Physiologically, then I am able to access a relaxed body, and a calm mind.   My sense of humor is readily accessible.

Openness is possible: open breath, open mind, open heart.  In this state, I’m more able to access possibilities.    I’m also far more receptive to what I call “connectivity” – our human ability to create authentic, honest, care-based relationships with other humans, in all spheres of our lives.

On the other hand, if I believe the universe is essentially unfriendly, then I am far more likely to operate from my reptilian brain, the place of protective responses. Fight.  Flight.  Freeze.  Appease.   Don’t get me wrong; these all have their place. We just don’t want these responses to have a hold of our controls on a regular basis!  In any of these states, I am reacting against a stimulus, vs. living in conscious choice.   In all of them, my connectivity is way down. 

So then, what does gratitude have to do with leadership?

Overlay leadership into the equation above.   Quality leadership, at is core, creates healthy meaning from this often confusing experience we call life.   Leadership helps sculpt focus towards what matters most, and generates ongoing, forward engagement in life-giving possibilities.  And fundamentally, great leadership is based on high connectivity. 

Therefore, if we want to lead, and lead well, whatever the sphere, then being in regular practices that help us experience the universe as friendly strengthens our leadership capacity.

Why regular?

 Our experiences in life are like waves on the ocean; sometimes they are soft and gentle, and it is easy to believe in a friendly universe.   Other times the water gets a bit rougher, and sometimes there are true challenges that test our faith.   Yet, if we are in regular practices that keep us focused on what is good in our world, then even when life gets challenging,  this lens is available to us.  This helps us stay relaxed and supple, and able to access our best, right when we need it most.

 This is where gratitude comes in.  We are what we practice.  Gratitude is a practice that shapes us to pay attention and seek out what is good, what is life giving, what is possible.

What am I grateful for today?

I am grateful for those in my life, who, like well-polished lighthouses, keep themselves “clean and bright,” and send out perfect beams of light into the night, through all kinds of seas.

What are you grateful for today?

Pay attention. This way, when clear, strong signals from the lighthouse are most needed, you will able to shine through!