In any given moment, we have far more choice than we know. We all have moments when our reaction to external circumstances may feel like it controls us. These moments are precious teachers, for their very intensity wakes us up.

12/26/09: I am swooping along mountain roads that lace along the Kootenai River in remote NW Montana, on the way to visit cousins. We’ve been blessed with dry roads, little traffic, blue sky, and sunshine.

In these perfect conditions, I don’t notice the speed limit lower as we approach town.

A patrol car passes, does that distinctively timed braking and pulls a u-turn. I am the only car on this long expansive road. All bets are… he’ll pull me over.

How many of us know this moment, and the flood of emotions, and reactions, this may bring? In these moments, and in every moment of our lives, we have far more choice than we know.

For me, this moment is exacerbated by the knowledge that this scenario may well trigger nightmares for one of my children. I really care about this unfolding with grace.

Below, I’ll explain what I did in the moment, in that lovely mountain valley, with my family watching. In future posts, I’ll break down and expand each of the steps.

As I watch the patrol car turn, I notice my sensations. A rush of heat and prickly intensity rises through my chest, throat and face. Fear. I do not fight the feeling, but simply relax around it, allowing the sensations to flow through me.

If we can stay out of our own way, the bio-chemistry of emotion will flush from our system within 90 seconds. By not constricting against the fear, I let it wash through, and resolve.

I notice and choose my thoughts.

“He is going to pull me over. “ I am able to choose (based on much practice) this thought to think: “this is an excellent chance to practice” – my shorthand for practicing staying centered, calm, focused, and resourceful.

Our minds are like steering wheels, steering us towards the emotions we feel and the physiological states we access. We actually can shift perspectives, and choose where to aim our minds.

I steadily drop my attention to my lower abdomen, and consciously shift my breath pattern to slow, low, full, and relaxed. I proactively pull over on the rocky shoulder.

Our breath is a potent “re-set button” that we can use to shift into a calm, centered state.

Reassuring my children, I speak truthfully about what is occurring in a gentle, steady voice…. no blame, no shame… just the reality. “He is pulling me over. I was likely going a little fast. All is well. His work is to help keep us safe.”

The truth sets us free. Fighting reality is the cage. Choosing to see myself working with others, vs. against, gives me far more options in how I move.

I am not fighting “what is”: instead I am making the most of what I can influence.

When I accept “what is”, then I can make the most of everything that is within my influence and control.

I focus on being the most relaxed body I can be.

Our energy is viral: we literally are contagious with each other. It is as if our emotional state and physiological state is like a stone thrown into a pond, making ripples that reach out in every direction.

We are always making ripples. The question is: which ripples do you want to create? What are you actually creating?

On this Montana highway, I want to create a sense of safety for my children and a spirit of cooperation with the patrolman. I do not fight what is unfolding; I simply do everything I can to make this as graceful an experience as I can.

After a peaceful exchange, the officer issues me a warning, and we softly continue on our way. Within minutes, the town now behind us, clear skies give way to a mountain snow squall, our wide-open road narrows in a long canyon, and I am grateful…

for the officer who helped me slow down.

From calm center, we have infinite choice over what we perceive.

This is a simple path…. a joyous path… one that can lead to living with far more power, and more grace.

Where in your life are you fighting what is?

What might you ‘soften into’?

What situation do you choose to see with new eyes?

Where might aligning with the truth set you free?

“Each morning we are born again. 
What we do today is what matters most.” – Buddha

Ever wake up in the morning, realizing the way you saw the world last night was just one way, one possibility, vs. the certain truth? That today can be a day of discovery, of new life, and possibility?  Have you ever realized you have seen another through your own fear instead of staying open, curious and welcoming to who they really are?

For, again in the words of Buddha,  “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.”

As always, today is a new day.  On this particular today, delayed in Denver’s sun-filled airport, I’m taking time out to ask: what stories am I generating about the people around me, and the world around me? What barriers am I constructing that I can tear down so that I can experience life anew?  It’s a bit of a humbling inventory….

How do I know? 

I am a consummate journaler. I journal so I can watch myself. What are my thoughts and emotions? Which ones are accurate?  Which are not? Often, when I am writing, I fall in the trap many of us do: assuming my thoughts are true!

Here is one of the gifts of journaling: this morning, reading back into last night, I can see one thought – one fear-generated balloon that passed through my mind – which I snatched out of thin air and asserted as truth.   This morning, with the rearview mirror a journal provides, I can see that this thought is really only one possibility.

I won’t share the mud of the thought – containing our own mud is one thing a  journal is for – but this process served as a great reminder…. don’t believe everything you think!

“Keep yourself clean and bright.  For you are the window through which you see the world.”   George Bernard Shaw

What could you do to better notice what’s on your window?  

What will help you keep yourself “clean and bright?”

As leaders, whether we know it or not, we are a bit like lighthouses, constantly sending navigation signals out into the night.   Therefore, as a leader, I am at my best when I am aware of, and choosing, the kind of signals I want to send.  Where do I need to pay attention in order to do this?

All of us have an essential choice.  To repeat a quote from my last post (for it is worth repeating!)

 “The single most important decision any of us ever have to make is 
whether or not to believe 
we live in a friendly universe.”   Albert Einstein 

Why is this so essential?    After all, we don’t typically go around asking this question of ourselves or of each other…. “Do you believe in a friendly universe?”    Yet, whether we are conscious of our choice here or not, it is likely influencing untold other choices that we are making.

If I believe the universe is essentially friendly, then I am able to look for the good in others, and to see opportunities, even in the midst of real challenge or significant unknowns.  Physiologically, then I am able to access a relaxed body, and a calm mind.   My sense of humor is readily accessible.

Openness is possible: open breath, open mind, open heart.  In this state, I’m more able to access possibilities.    I’m also far more receptive to what I call “connectivity” – our human ability to create authentic, honest, care-based relationships with other humans, in all spheres of our lives.

On the other hand, if I believe the universe is essentially unfriendly, then I am far more likely to operate from my reptilian brain, the place of protective responses. Fight.  Flight.  Freeze.  Appease.   Don’t get me wrong; these all have their place. We just don’t want these responses to have a hold of our controls on a regular basis!  In any of these states, I am reacting against a stimulus, vs. living in conscious choice.   In all of them, my connectivity is way down. 

So then, what does gratitude have to do with leadership?

Overlay leadership into the equation above.   Quality leadership, at is core, creates healthy meaning from this often confusing experience we call life.   Leadership helps sculpt focus towards what matters most, and generates ongoing, forward engagement in life-giving possibilities.  And fundamentally, great leadership is based on high connectivity. 

Therefore, if we want to lead, and lead well, whatever the sphere, then being in regular practices that help us experience the universe as friendly strengthens our leadership capacity.

Why regular?

 Our experiences in life are like waves on the ocean; sometimes they are soft and gentle, and it is easy to believe in a friendly universe.   Other times the water gets a bit rougher, and sometimes there are true challenges that test our faith.   Yet, if we are in regular practices that keep us focused on what is good in our world, then even when life gets challenging,  this lens is available to us.  This helps us stay relaxed and supple, and able to access our best, right when we need it most.

 This is where gratitude comes in.  We are what we practice.  Gratitude is a practice that shapes us to pay attention and seek out what is good, what is life giving, what is possible.

What am I grateful for today?

I am grateful for those in my life, who, like well-polished lighthouses, keep themselves “clean and bright,” and send out perfect beams of light into the night, through all kinds of seas.

What are you grateful for today?

Pay attention. This way, when clear, strong signals from the lighthouse are most needed, you will able to shine through!