I first learned this from Danaan Parry in the late 80s, at a Warriors of the Heart workshop. Well aligned with my core embodied leadership training from Strozzi Institute, I call it “step off the center line”, but Noah Rosenberg, a friend, colleague, and former ER doc from New York City, named it “don’t get the goo on you!”

In a nutshell, this practice helps us embody our internal commitment to stay centered (or settled) regardless of negative actions or communications by others. This then allows us to lead, make the most of any given situation through our cohesive presence, instead of reacting to the other person’s behavior.

Why does it matter? Thich Nhat Hanh, an extraordinary Buddhist monk and teacher from Vietnam, described this dynamic: during the era of the Vietnamese ‘boat people’ who attempted risky high seas crossings in search of safe refuge, one calm person in a boat could make all the difference in a successful outcome for the whole boat.

Calm helps us think clearly. Calm is contagious, as are other moods; anger can be contagious as well. “Don’t get the goo on you” is a practice to help you be able to choose your internal mood and maintain access to calm, regardless of the moods, or ‘the goo,’ of others. This ability is fundamental to being able to lead, vs. react.

By keeping our internal cohesion and choice intact, we are able stay more present to the other person, even while avoiding ‘catching the goo’, which then puts us in position to lead the interaction or situation to a better outcome.

To prepare:

1) Identify a place of ongoing interpersonal challenge in your life, one in which your own response may not meet your own expectations. Imagine the person, and what this person might say or do in interacting with you that contributes to the challenge.

2) If indoors, stand in an open area, with several feet of room to maneuver, squarely facing one wall. Imagine the person that you have chosen is facing you from that wall. Feel your feet on the floor beneath you, allowing your stance to widen slightly. Feel the solidness of your base, your feet, your legs, and your pelvis, then breathe deeply as you let your top half relax and settle into this foundation of support.

3) Imagine the person is walking towards you, with whatever words or behavior usually triggers a reaction in you. Breathe. Feel your solid base beneath you. Then place your right foot behind your left, so that you turn and face the wall that was on your right.

4) Notice what part of your body is now facing the first wall: just your left side. You no longer have your whole front exposed towards that incoming energy; instead you can let it go by, and witness the other person and his or her behavior.

This is the point of freedom. Instead of drawing a bulls-eye and taking the hit, or fighting back in some way, we can shift to observing the other person, staying settled within, and then choosing the best possible response to the situation.

Three Simple Steps to Access Our Own Wisdom

For the big questions, the ones that help set the course of our lives, or significantly impact our work or our leadership, access to more than intellectual thought can pay off.   There is a wisdom that lives in our bodies.  Some call it intuition, or may speak of doing a gut check, or having a gut feeling about something.   How though, in the midst of a busy day, do we access this?

Here’s a simple formula to have your inner navigation system working for you:

·      Ask good questions.

·      Settle into your center.  (Sometimes easier said than done… how-to is below!)

·      Listen from an open stance.

·      (Ok. there is a secret fourth step.  Practice steps 1-3 often, and you’ll get really good at accessing your own wisdom!)

1) Start with asking good questions:

Example: What is the core challenge I am facing?   What is the opportunity inherent in this challenge? 

The questions we ask ourselves determine the direction and shape of our attention. Quality answers emerge from excellent questions, so choose them well!   Whatever your challenge, if you’ve been framing it as a problem, try these questions that focus on challenge and opportunity instead.  Same content, different way of looking.   What do you notice?

2) Next, learn to settle into center.

We are most effective when we are relaxed and alert – not tense and alert.   Tension is like grime on a window or static on a phone line: it infers with clear seeing, clear hearing, and clear understanding.

Centering involves both a physical relaxation and a mental clarity of focusing on what matters most.  By beginning with the body, our minds can follow, and clarity can emerge.  We always have an ally here, in the regular rhythm of our breath. Let your attention settle deep into your belly, and allow your breath follow.  Soften your shoulders, let your jaw relax, feel your feet, way down there, closer to the earth.

******Feel your breath.

Through as many breaths as it takes to soften and release the tension holding you, feel the fullness of breath in your belly.  Let each breath coax a bit more space through your sides and your back.  Feel your mid back expanding.  Feel your sides open.  Feel the weight of your body settling you into the support of the earth below.  (Even many floors up, gravity still works, and the earth is still beneath us- you may just need to use your imagination a bit more!)

If you are bottled-up-tight tense, you may need to prime the pump by doing several complete exhales.  Ironically, since nature abhors a vacuum, the best way to get a full, deep breath is to fully empty the lungs.  So do this with vigor, as if you were blowing out the candles on a cake, and there really is one for every year!   With each deep exhale, let your shoulders drop another notch, your jaw soften, and then inhale fully, deeply.  Placing your palms on your abdomen just below your navel can help you direct your attention, and therefore your breath, even lower.

******Now keep your attention in your center.

Once you bring your breath and your attention to your center, you can un-kink the hose of your whole energetic system, and allow the life force to connect you to what you cannot see, but that is always there, always supporting us, always available.  Like the sun not yet seen in the early dawn, that life force is with us, not visible, but present.  When we settle into our breathing, we can learn to feel this support and allow our bodies to open into an alert yet relaxed state. 

This process of centering takes practice. As with all things, practice is the key ingredient to success.  You will get better with time – and practice!

3) Listen from an open stance.   

What is your challenge today?  What is your opportunity?  When we listen in our center, we often find more wisdom, and more comprehensive answers.  It’s as if we can see through a wide-angle lens, and not just through a telephoto lens.  More possibilities show up.   Let yourself get curious, and go exploring.  When we narrow down too soon, and latch on too quickly to particular approach, we sometimes squeeze out real possibilities.

When you listen from your center, what do you notice?

Now let yourself begin.  And keep practicing!